In this article, I’m talking about the three seasons of a woman’s life: Maiden, Mother, and Mentor, and the wardrobe tasks and goals associated with each.
The concept originated with pagan goddess mythology, the Triple Goddess, but I’m not using it for goddess worship. I just want to use the framework to address some of the challenges in a woman’s life and also to see if I can give some principles for how to think about creativity in your wardrobe and environment in different life seasons.
The triple goddess is a deity archetype from neopaganism. When the idea for this episode came into my mind, I didn’t know that; I had just heard of the Maiden, Mother, and Crone. I figured those were stages in the female life cycle. The Crone is associated with wisdom and not a word we really use or appreciate, but the word Mentor fits that life stage perfectly. Plus, alliteration, right?
Defining the Seasons of a Woman’s Life
So, I want to first define the life stages a little:
Maiden phase: I’m defining this as up to about age 25, 26, 27.
There is a point somewhere in this age range when the prefrontal cortex comes online in a new way, because of natural brain development.
In the Old Testament, God instructed the leaders of Israel to read the entire scripture aloud before all the people once every seven years. I have always hypothesized that the reason for this is because our brains go through some sort of uplevel every seven years. And that has kinda been my experience. I think differently now than I used to, and I don’t think it’s only because of learned wisdom; some of it feels organic.
Mother phase: I’m defining this as from the end of the Maiden phase till maybe menopause.
Of course, being the middle stage, it’s a little fluid.
The thing that came up in the personal development program I went through recently is that these life seasons are necessary, whether or not you ever have children.
I had a friend, a mentor, who passed away this year and had never had children. But she spent her life looking for people who needed Jesus and mothering them in a spiritual way.
If you don’t have children, but you are in this age range, the question can be: what do you want to give birth to or nurture? It could be all kinds of things: a business, a movement, a friend group, a way of life …
Mentor phase: I often tell my friends that when the last child gets her drivers license, that can be a tough moment for mom. It marks the beginning of the end.
If you are in that spot right now, friend, I really recommend you get your personality profile. Give yourself some time to be intentional about what is next for you.
For some, this time will come earlier, but I really noticed when I hit about 55 or so that I had alot more wisdom and perspective to share. I wanted to call this season Mentor because we have so much to share. And there is a thing in Gen X where, probably because we were left to figure it out on our own, we kinda need to be reminded that others really do value our input and want to hear what we think.
Challenges in Each Season of a Woman’s Life
Maiden: you are really figuring out who you are in this stage of life and making big decisions about your values, career path, and possibly primary relationship.
I recommend personality profiling for anyone at least 17 years old. Most people have to take the Myers-Briggs assessment as part of their college experience and the conversational profile can overcome most of the common mistypes that happen with a forced choice quiz format. Not only that, there is an opportunity for explaining and verifying your type.
With regard to your wardrobe, this is the time for experimenting! There is no better time to figure out what you really like and to give new things a try.
Mother: this can be a season of alot of pressure and responsibility. It’s important to remember, as you seek to meet all the demands on you, that you are one of everybody and to consider your own needs at least as much as you consider everyone else.
I have known alot of women throughout the years who made sure that everyone in their family had everything they could possibly need, but they neglected themselves. We’ve all been there, at least I have. And I remember multiple times the hero encouraging me to buy something I really needed and we had the money for, but for whatever reason I thought I knew better and we couldn’t afford it. Ladies, if your husband is urging you to do something that is for your own good, I recommend you submit!
And this is the time to start buying things you will want to keep for years and years. A little higher quality. I also recommend, rather than becoming bland and traditional with your choices, take the time to figure out what works best with your body shape and coloring. Those are the next steps in your journey of self-discovery, right after your personality profile.
Mentor: this can be a season of potential loneliness. After running your kids around and being involved with their friends parents and all the things, many women wake up and realize they don’t have the quality of relationships, both romantic and friend-wise, they need. Tbh, we stuck with volunteering a couple extra years for a children’s theatre organization our youngest had been active in just to cushion the dramatic drop-off when she aged out.
Mentoring is a solution. Also, at this stage in life, I just learned that everyone goes through this and started initiating things. I also started showing up wearing color and that made me both more visible and more approachable.
With your wardrobe, this is the time to truly show yourself. By doing so, you attract the people who will like the real you AND you give younger people hope that they can have a signature style and still be relevant when they are your age.
We really do need each other!
Are You Ready for a Grownup Wardrobe?
As I have journeyed through life, one of the great blessings has been friends of different ages. I had lunch this week with two women in their 70s who are also widowed, one for almost 30 years and the other more recent like me. I also have alot of friends who are in their late twenties and early thirties. If you are ready to exit the Maiden stage of life and start to create a personalized, grownup wardrobe – what my daughters and I call a “permanent” wardrobe – I would love to be your mentor. We start with a conversation to discover your personality type and the wiring of your mind. Book that call right here.