Summary: This article is about what actually makes someone magnetic, how to be popular at any age, and why your wardrobe is part of the equation.
So it’s April 1st, and I want to tell you something that is absolutely not a joke.
There is a woman at the nail salon dropping f-bombs, and everyone in the room loves her for it.
A friend told me this story recently. An elderly woman, getting her nails done, completely unbothered by who was listening or what they thought. Another woman in the salon looked up and said that was her favorite word.
My friends and I spent a while trying to figure out what that is about. Because here’s the thing: I am personally not impressed by swearing. And I suspect you might not be either. So what is actually happening in that room?
We landed on this: it is not the word. It is that she has completely stopped managing other people’s comfort. And that is so rare it feels like a superpower.
Before I go further, if you have ever wondered how your personality connects to your style, I invite you to watch the free video masterclass called The Myers-Briggs Key to Signature Style. It is a good place to start.
Why does everyone love the person who swears?
Most people think they’re drawn to someone who swears because it’s refreshing. But people aren’t drawn to the f-bomb. They’re drawn to someone who has stopped managing other people’s comfort. That is how to be popular at any age.
Think about what it takes to be that woman. She is not performing. She is not scanning the room to see who might be offended. She has made a quiet, settled decision that she is allowed to be exactly who she is in public, and she is not apologizing for it.
That is not really about swearing. That is about self-possession.
And here is what my friends and I also landed on in that same conversation: almost everyone feels, at least a little bit, like they are so different from everyone else that no one could really understand them. The f-bomb woman is magnetic because she has stopped hiding that. Most people never do.
Showing up as who you actually are takes more nerve than dropping an f-bomb. And it is infinitely more meaningful.
How to be popular at any age: stop muting yourself
There is a particular version of invisibility that happens as women age. It is not just cultural, though that is real. It is also chosen. Quietly, gradually, for reasons that feel responsible and virtuous. You soften your opinions. You wear the neutral. You make yourself easy to be around.
And then one day you realize you have optimized yourself right out of the room.
I did a color palette recently for a woman who is older than me. Her inherent coloring is fairly subtle. Other colorists had given her quiet, muted palettes to match. But her personality is vibrant. Her aesthetic is intense. She mentioned being inspired by Iris Apfel, and when she said it I could see exactly why. She was not uninspired by the colors. She was uninspired by the version of herself those colors asked her to be.
She did not need a quieter palette. She needed permission to be who she actually is.
This is how to be popular as you age. Not by chasing trends. Not by trying to stay relevant in someone else’s terms. By becoming more fully, visibly yourself. Because when you do that, you give everyone around you permission to do the same. That is what makes you magnetic. That is what keeps you connected to people younger than you, older than you, different from you.
How to be popular by letting people actually see you
Here is what I want you to sit with.
Showing up as yourself is not one thing. It is a hundred small decisions.
- Stepping up for something you know you can do, even when no one has asked you to
- Declining something you know is not for you, without over-explaining
- Saying what you actually prefer, out loud, in the room
- Wearing the color that is actually you, not the one that asks the least of people
Every one of those is the same act of nerve as the woman at the nail salon. Every one of them says: I have decided I am allowed to be here as I actually am.
Your wardrobe is part of this. Not because clothes are the most important thing, but because they are the most visible thing. When what you wear matches who you are, people see you before you say a word. When it does not, you are already managing their perception before the conversation starts.
If your outside does not match your inside, that is not a small thing. That is the same suppression, just quieter.
The Congruence Code is where I help women close that gap. It starts with a two-hour conversational personality profiling session, and you walk away with your cognitive function stack, your personality style blueprint, and a seasonal energy color palette. If now is the right time to stop managing how you show up and start being seen for who you actually are, I would love to work with you on that.
Here’s something simple you can do this week to integrate these principles into your wardrobe:
Pull out one thing you own that feels like the real you. Not the practical you, not the appropriate you. The actual you. Wear it this week, somewhere it might be slightly unexpected. Notice what happens.
You know who you are. The gap is between that and what people actually see when you walk in the room. The Congruence Code closes that gap through conversational personality profiling, a personality style blueprint, and a custom color palette built around your specific coloring and aesthetic. Click here to learn more and book your session.